Bear Naked Granola - A Couch Potato's Review

Forgive me if this post strays from topic a bit, but there is something I need to say - even if it means I'm blambling.  (Yes I just combined blog with rambling to come up with a new word).  Some of you have read and / or heard about my triathlon "experience."  If you have not, you can read about it here.  Well, believe it or not, I have been coerced into doing another one this summer.  I am scared spitless about doing it, and have been thinking about training (which is about on par with my training last summer).  I've actually been doing some blosearch (blog / research) to find some fitness training programs to get me ready.  One of the most common things I've blead (blog / read) is that a good diet is quasi-important.

One of my biggest weaknesses is fast food.  Even though I am sick of it, I eat it all the time for lunch.  Add that to the fact that I usually oversleep and frequently skip breakfast to get to work, my nutritional intake is in need of an overhaul.  The other day I was at the local grocer, and decided I'd try getting some breakfast food to keep at work so that I don't have to worry about eating before I leave.  As I was walking down the breakfast aisle, I picked up some Instant Cream of Wheat (TM) and noticed a section of "healthy" foods.  I saw roughly two, five-foot shelves with this granola cereal, and decided to take a closer look.

    *Blashback (blog / flashback) to my early teenage years.  While hanging out at my friend's house one day, we got kind of hungry.  He said we could have some chocolate granola cereal.  I probably acted like he was a loon, but he convinced me it was pretty good stuff.  If my memory serves correctly, it was homemade granola, and they had a five-gallon bucket of it.  We poured ourselves each a bowl, and I loved it. 

   *Blashforward (do I need to explain this anymore?) to present time.  I periodically will try a different granola cereal in hopes that I will find that great taste that I had so many years ago.  I don't do it very often because the stuff in the stores usually doesn't taste good and it's more expensive than Lucky Charms. 

Well, this granola caught my eye for three reasons: 1- it was on sale; b) they had chocolate flavor; and 4 - I had heard rave reviews about this brand in my blosearch.  I decided to try the vanilla almond and chocolate flavors. 

Let me tell you, they taste aweful - especially the chocolate.  I was confused.  Several blogs had nothing but great things to say about the stuff, yet I'm nearly gagging just blinking (blog / thinking - I think you're catching on now) about it.

Actually, it's not THAT bad, but I can think of several things I'd rather eat than this stuff.
So, I decided to go back to those blogs to see what I'm missing.  A few things come to mind.  First these bloggers are food/fitness bloggers and these types of companies will send them free samples to try and review.  If they're getting free food, of course they're going to write good things about it - that's just the world we live in.  Second, instead of eating it like a bowl of cereal as it's designed, they mix it with yogurt and all sorts of fruit.  This does two things:  minimizes the amount of granola they have to eat and uses other foods to mask the taste.
This gave me an idea: SUGAR.  What did I do as a kid when my cereal choices were cherios, wheaties or grape nuts?  I put sugar on it.  Also, instead of eating each granola individually, I decided to mix the two flavors to see if they would neutralize each other.  The combination of the two flavors and the sugar made the stuff edible. 
Fortunately, thanks to my ingenious ideas, I think I am getting my money's worth.  But this leads me to question the whole "healthy" foods schpiel.  Why not just add a little more sugar, spice and all things nice, and make the stuff yummy to begin with?
By the way, I'm sorry if you fell for my fake link again.  You can really see the triathlon catastraphe here.
Finally, this post has officially created several new words:  blambing, blosearch, blead, blashback, blashforward, and blinking.  I know blinking is already a word, but I redefined it.  Don't blag (blog / gag - yet another blord (blog / word)), I know you all are jealous you didn't think of this first.  I am on a bloll!
Peace Holla!

R.I.P.

 

“Bishop” Michael Roberto Mildenhall - loving husband, father, and brother in faith will pass on this Sunday, March 27, after succumbing to fulfillment of his calling.  Bishop was born April 3, 1976, although some say he was re-born with the formation of the 6^th ward, circa spring 2006.   He attended Granger High School, if that gives any clue as to what type of person he was.  His love for all was never more evident when he cheered his “professed” favorite college team, byu (yes it doesn’t even deserve to be capitalized).  A non-conformist from an early age, Bishop was secretly a Utah State Aggie fan and would do anything to mask his fondness for his beloved Aggies – just to maintain his image as Bishop.  Whether it be violently shoving one of his closest friends (who is an avid Aggie fan, mind you) prior to a basketball game so hard that it knocked him over and split open his chin, or his mockery of Wild Bill, many people outside his inner circle would think he was repulsed by the Aggies.  However, upon closer inspection, why would a cougar fan have the ward’s first young men’s presidency entirely composed of Aggies?  Plus, the president of this presidency, who also happens to be his basketball victim, would later become his counselor in the bishopric.  In a desperate attempt to prevent any misconception, he stooped to an all-time-low by calling a Wyoming Cowboy as his other counselor.  In all actuality, though, all one needed to do was peek inside his office and see the walls plastered with photos of Wild Bill to know of his love for quality sports.

Bishop was always the hippest, the coolest, and the one who didn't fit any regular pigeon-hole.  He was a hard man to figure out.  He’d nearly faint at the mere mention of blood, yet there was no hesitation in him when it came to gutting fish at scout camp for the young men he so dutifully served.  He claimed to be able to catch fish at Scout Lake with the best of ‘em, and after a few hours of fishing he once came back with 5 or 6 fish.  Even though no one was there to witness it, he said he caught them himself; however, reports at the end of camp stated that a tall man with impeccably parted hair and a byu shirt was stealing fish from other scout troops… He was able to find a comfort zone in most any group or environment, except for grassy meadows on a pioneer trek.  Knowing full well of his allergies, his attempt at completing the pioneer trek showed truly how great of a man was in our midst.  After one night of misery, he was spotted the second morning rubbing grass in his eyes and mouth to enhance his symptoms and was able to leave early – this is just one sample of how desperate he could become.  

He was a simple man, with simple pleasures.  On clear days in winter he would search the skies looking for dragons.  In contrast, on a hot day in the summer, he would be content chasing down cars and throwing water bottles at them.  He was an accomplished make-up artist and poet.  He was good at it, but that didn't mean he wanted to do much of it. He had other affairs to tend to, such as writing songs and music.  Bishop's passing to a rising full moon has left many relatives and friends at a loss.   However, if people want to find him, it is said that on the night of a full moon he can be found riding a famous bull in Logan, UT.  He is survived by his two sons and two daughters, Jimmer, Jimmero, Jimmerrette, and Jimmetta; wife, Joni; numerous relatives; and countless, thankful ward members who will always remember and appreciate the love and devotion he spent towards them. Thank you all for being a part of Bishop's life. He loved all of you so much. There will be a celebration in his basement Saturday March 26, at the time of the Butler / byu basketball game.  Hope you can all make it!