Revenge of the Jes'Syth'

Unbeknownst to me until now, my blog has been slowly transforming into a foodie blog.  Ew.  I must rise above the ashes and avoid this trap.  Sure, I'll still post the occasional recipe here or Creature from the Burrito chapter there, but I need to get back to the basics.  That being said, this post is about food - sorry.

In one of my previous posts, I'm pretty sure that I wrote about how I was eating breakfast at work to save time in the mornings.  Well, as you may have guessed, I did not like the granola crap I tried, so I was doing the instant cream of wheat thing for a while.  I got creamed out, so for the past couple of weeks I've been doing cereal - Corn Pops to be precise.  GOTTA HAVE MY POPS!

Well, there is an office fridge on our floor, and in an effort to be considerate of space limitations, I will typically buy a pint of milk at the beginning of the week, which will last me a few bowls of cereal. That way I'm not a fridge hog by leaving a gallon in there.  Two days ago, I was arriving at work and put my lunch for the day in the fridge.  As I entered the breakroom, I noticed a guy from a different division putting some milk in his coffee mug.  My initial thought was "Hey, that looks like my milk!  No, he wouldn't be that rude to use someone else's milk..."  Sure enough, it was my milk.

As I got to my desk, fuming mad (by the time I realized it was mine, he had already left the room), I told my coworkers what happpened.  Almost all of them asked me if my name was on the container.  Apparantly, there is an unspoken rule in this building that if food is not labeled as belonging to someone, it is fair game.
I decided if people are going to do that, they are using food at their own risk.  There was still ample milk left, so I rationalized that the perpetrator would likely be a repeat offender.  Plus, if he did it, who knows if there are others that will use my milk as well.

Fortunately for me, I have a habbit of collecting condiments from food joints like ketchup, mustard, hot sauce, etc.  As a perused my condiment collection, I grew frustrated because all my stuff would alter the appearance of the milk.  At last, I found a salt packet.  In went the salt, and my milk was discretely returned to its spot in the fridge. 

I was practically giddy the next morning (yesterday) when I checked the milk status - more milk had been used since the salting.  I only wish I could have seen the reaction that happened when the criminal had some salted coffee.  Actually, enough milk was gone to lead me to believe that more than one person was privy to my special treat.

That made my day; nay, week.

PS - I have been known to post fake links in the past, but the three links are legit in this post.

Uber-dee-dooper Tastey and Easy Brownies.

If any of you have wondered how to make brownies with only 4 ingredients (5 if you count the non-stick cooking spray), I have found the solution.  Simply take a little bit of water and vegetable oil, along with 2 or three eggs, then mix in a box of your favorite brownie mix.  Yes folks, it's just that easy.  As a kicker, the brownie box even has the portion sizing for the other three ingredients.
Once the goop has been stirred 50 times with a wooden spoon (I usually do 53 or 54 stirs for good measure), simply put the mixture into a baking pan and bake for 30 minutes or so.

It can't get any easier than this.

Hijacking - It Can Happen To You

I am about to blog about something serious - hijacking.  I, whilst living in my naive world, was oblivious to the fact that I could have something hijacked.  Until recently, that is - when our camera was hijacked.  Want proof?  Here you go:

Who could have done such a thing?

Bear Naked Granola - A Couch Potato's Review

Forgive me if this post strays from topic a bit, but there is something I need to say - even if it means I'm blambling.  (Yes I just combined blog with rambling to come up with a new word).  Some of you have read and / or heard about my triathlon "experience."  If you have not, you can read about it here.  Well, believe it or not, I have been coerced into doing another one this summer.  I am scared spitless about doing it, and have been thinking about training (which is about on par with my training last summer).  I've actually been doing some blosearch (blog / research) to find some fitness training programs to get me ready.  One of the most common things I've blead (blog / read) is that a good diet is quasi-important.

One of my biggest weaknesses is fast food.  Even though I am sick of it, I eat it all the time for lunch.  Add that to the fact that I usually oversleep and frequently skip breakfast to get to work, my nutritional intake is in need of an overhaul.  The other day I was at the local grocer, and decided I'd try getting some breakfast food to keep at work so that I don't have to worry about eating before I leave.  As I was walking down the breakfast aisle, I picked up some Instant Cream of Wheat (TM) and noticed a section of "healthy" foods.  I saw roughly two, five-foot shelves with this granola cereal, and decided to take a closer look.

    *Blashback (blog / flashback) to my early teenage years.  While hanging out at my friend's house one day, we got kind of hungry.  He said we could have some chocolate granola cereal.  I probably acted like he was a loon, but he convinced me it was pretty good stuff.  If my memory serves correctly, it was homemade granola, and they had a five-gallon bucket of it.  We poured ourselves each a bowl, and I loved it. 

   *Blashforward (do I need to explain this anymore?) to present time.  I periodically will try a different granola cereal in hopes that I will find that great taste that I had so many years ago.  I don't do it very often because the stuff in the stores usually doesn't taste good and it's more expensive than Lucky Charms. 

Well, this granola caught my eye for three reasons: 1- it was on sale; b) they had chocolate flavor; and 4 - I had heard rave reviews about this brand in my blosearch.  I decided to try the vanilla almond and chocolate flavors. 

Let me tell you, they taste aweful - especially the chocolate.  I was confused.  Several blogs had nothing but great things to say about the stuff, yet I'm nearly gagging just blinking (blog / thinking - I think you're catching on now) about it.

Actually, it's not THAT bad, but I can think of several things I'd rather eat than this stuff.
So, I decided to go back to those blogs to see what I'm missing.  A few things come to mind.  First these bloggers are food/fitness bloggers and these types of companies will send them free samples to try and review.  If they're getting free food, of course they're going to write good things about it - that's just the world we live in.  Second, instead of eating it like a bowl of cereal as it's designed, they mix it with yogurt and all sorts of fruit.  This does two things:  minimizes the amount of granola they have to eat and uses other foods to mask the taste.
This gave me an idea: SUGAR.  What did I do as a kid when my cereal choices were cherios, wheaties or grape nuts?  I put sugar on it.  Also, instead of eating each granola individually, I decided to mix the two flavors to see if they would neutralize each other.  The combination of the two flavors and the sugar made the stuff edible. 
Fortunately, thanks to my ingenious ideas, I think I am getting my money's worth.  But this leads me to question the whole "healthy" foods schpiel.  Why not just add a little more sugar, spice and all things nice, and make the stuff yummy to begin with?
By the way, I'm sorry if you fell for my fake link again.  You can really see the triathlon catastraphe here.
Finally, this post has officially created several new words:  blambing, blosearch, blead, blashback, blashforward, and blinking.  I know blinking is already a word, but I redefined it.  Don't blag (blog / gag - yet another blord (blog / word)), I know you all are jealous you didn't think of this first.  I am on a bloll!
Peace Holla!

R.I.P.

 

“Bishop” Michael Roberto Mildenhall - loving husband, father, and brother in faith will pass on this Sunday, March 27, after succumbing to fulfillment of his calling.  Bishop was born April 3, 1976, although some say he was re-born with the formation of the 6^th ward, circa spring 2006.   He attended Granger High School, if that gives any clue as to what type of person he was.  His love for all was never more evident when he cheered his “professed” favorite college team, byu (yes it doesn’t even deserve to be capitalized).  A non-conformist from an early age, Bishop was secretly a Utah State Aggie fan and would do anything to mask his fondness for his beloved Aggies – just to maintain his image as Bishop.  Whether it be violently shoving one of his closest friends (who is an avid Aggie fan, mind you) prior to a basketball game so hard that it knocked him over and split open his chin, or his mockery of Wild Bill, many people outside his inner circle would think he was repulsed by the Aggies.  However, upon closer inspection, why would a cougar fan have the ward’s first young men’s presidency entirely composed of Aggies?  Plus, the president of this presidency, who also happens to be his basketball victim, would later become his counselor in the bishopric.  In a desperate attempt to prevent any misconception, he stooped to an all-time-low by calling a Wyoming Cowboy as his other counselor.  In all actuality, though, all one needed to do was peek inside his office and see the walls plastered with photos of Wild Bill to know of his love for quality sports.

Bishop was always the hippest, the coolest, and the one who didn't fit any regular pigeon-hole.  He was a hard man to figure out.  He’d nearly faint at the mere mention of blood, yet there was no hesitation in him when it came to gutting fish at scout camp for the young men he so dutifully served.  He claimed to be able to catch fish at Scout Lake with the best of ‘em, and after a few hours of fishing he once came back with 5 or 6 fish.  Even though no one was there to witness it, he said he caught them himself; however, reports at the end of camp stated that a tall man with impeccably parted hair and a byu shirt was stealing fish from other scout troops… He was able to find a comfort zone in most any group or environment, except for grassy meadows on a pioneer trek.  Knowing full well of his allergies, his attempt at completing the pioneer trek showed truly how great of a man was in our midst.  After one night of misery, he was spotted the second morning rubbing grass in his eyes and mouth to enhance his symptoms and was able to leave early – this is just one sample of how desperate he could become.  

He was a simple man, with simple pleasures.  On clear days in winter he would search the skies looking for dragons.  In contrast, on a hot day in the summer, he would be content chasing down cars and throwing water bottles at them.  He was an accomplished make-up artist and poet.  He was good at it, but that didn't mean he wanted to do much of it. He had other affairs to tend to, such as writing songs and music.  Bishop's passing to a rising full moon has left many relatives and friends at a loss.   However, if people want to find him, it is said that on the night of a full moon he can be found riding a famous bull in Logan, UT.  He is survived by his two sons and two daughters, Jimmer, Jimmero, Jimmerrette, and Jimmetta; wife, Joni; numerous relatives; and countless, thankful ward members who will always remember and appreciate the love and devotion he spent towards them. Thank you all for being a part of Bishop's life. He loved all of you so much. There will be a celebration in his basement Saturday March 26, at the time of the Butler / byu basketball game.  Hope you can all make it!

Happy New Year

Happy New Year everyone.  This year was filled with significant events, yet none so significant perhaps as the fact that I participated in No-shave November.  Actually, I don't know if participate is the right word because in my mind participate involves more than one person.  Sure, there were likely countless others who participated in No-shave November besides me, but I wasn't directly involved with their "contest."
The significance in going a whole month without shaving my beard is that, although I look ruggedly handsome with a beard, I cannot stand it when my facial hair starts to itch, and this usually happens by about week two of a beard growing cycle.  It gets so itchy that I'm constantly scratching my cheeks.
However, I finally did it, and much to my dismay, the itchiness never went away.  So I shaved some handsome handlebars, but they weren't so handsome after I realized they weren't symmetrical, so I opted to sport the stache for the better part of a week and a half.
Here is the cycle:
Beard

 'Bars

 Stache

The real significance of making it through No-Shave November is because only someone manly enough to grow a beard can handle a sandwich like this - mmmmmmmmmmmm.

Mustache

Sorry that two consecutive posts are videos, but my next post will shed some light as to why I posted this.  For a hint, I may or may not currently be sporting a mustache.

Crossfire

So, this is one of my favorite songs right now.  I recently came across the music video for it, and found it quite funny.  If any of you know of a better way than smiling awkwardly at someone as a way of saying thanks for being rescued from a bunch of ninjas, please let me know (watch the 1:27 mark and you'll know what I'm talking about).  The director / performer sure know how to capture the essence of a hostage rescue.

Recipe for Disaster. Part Deux

Back in the early spring, as I was preparing for an exam, I came up with a delicious recipe for chicken and asparagus.  If you're interested, you can click here.  Just kidding, but if you're still interested, you can really click here.  I don't know why, but it seems that intellectual stimulation gets my creative culinary juices flowing, for I have come up with a new recipe - Chiggs (short for chili and eggs).

I start off with a medium sized pan and  browning a Tbsp of chopped yellow onion and one clove of garlic in oil.  I then scramble four (4) eggs in this nasal masterpiece.  Notice how the eggs are spread around the perimeter with an opening in the nucleus - this comes into play shortly.

 I then dice up three cherry tomatoes (mini tomatoes to the lay person), and douse with salt and pepper.

 The chopped tomatoes then are gently placed into the nucleus of scrambled eggs as shown above.

 The entire ensemble is then completed with a dollop of cream cheese and warmed until the cheese is melted.

 The eggs are then placed in a bowl and topped with 3/4 cup of chili and two slices of toast.  Depending on how I feel, I just might post my magical chili recipe in a following post.  I don't know why, but my display of food looks eerily similar to a clown face.

Enjoy.

Actually, chili and eggs don't go so well together, digestively that is.  I happened to make this a couple of hours before church on Sunday; and, dare I say, my stomach was a little bit frothy. 

Finally, my next post just might include a little something on men's hairstyles.

I tri'd it, and I liked it (kind of)

So, I guess I'll start off by introducing myself.  I'm Jesse.  It's been a while since I've blogged, and feel it's high time for an update.  We'll start off with the event of the summer - the Bountiful Triathlon.  It's a pretty prestigious event, and I'm sure most of you have heard about it.  The following is a perfect regime on how to barely finish a triathlon sprint with one of the slowest times.

It all started several months ago when my sweet, sweet brother-in-law convinced me that I should sign up with him and do the triathlon.  Another brother-in-law (names withheld in both cases for privacy reasons) said he'd do it too.  The triathlon is a sprint, so the distances are relatively short and the best racers complete the event in a little over an hour.  I thought this would be an excellent opportunity to try to get into shape, so I agreed to do it.  The next item on the agenda was to start training.  Since the event has three parts (hence TRI-athlon), I'll break this into three parts as well.

Swimming - I've never been the best of swimmers, so I figured that swimming is what I shoud work on the most.  *Holy cow, not to change the subject, but I just found out what smells worse than burnt popcorn - burnt kettle corn.  Ew, someone in this building made a huge boo-boo and it's going to stink the rest of the day.  Wonderful.  I'd like to continue writing this post, but the smell is too overwhelming; plus, I shouldn't be wasting work time on the blog.  On the other hand, if someone is inconsiderate enough to burn kettle corn, I think I deserve a little chance to blog.*
Now, back to the subject at hand: swimming.  My family has had a pass to a local rec. center for several years now, so I thought I would take advantage of my pass and swim in the mornings before work.  I decided to start swimming twice a week.  This was about two or three months before the tri, so I figured it was as good of time as any to start swimming.  The first day, I think I swam two whole, entire laps and was completely exhausted.  Many of you might think that would cause me to quit.  I decided to give it another chance, and the next day, I swam the 7 laps (350 m) - which is the distance in the triathlon.  Keep in mind, mind you, that I did not swim the entire distance without stopping.  No, after every lap (or 1/2 lap for that matter), I had to stop for a bit and catch my breath.  After a few weeks of training I had to travel for work, went on vacation, then went to scout camp.  Needless to say, I didn't swim for about three weeks.  After I got back, I went swimming one morning and was able to swim the entire distance in under 10 minutes, which was on par with the top swimmers from last year.  Unfortunately, I didn't build on this momentum, but let my confidence sway me to not swim anymore and focus on the other two events.

Biking:  I have an old mountain bike that sat in my basement for the better part of four years, and fixed it up so that it was in riding shape.  We also bought a bike trailer to haul the kids around.  My theory was that if I ride my bike pulling the kids, when I raced, I'd be 100 pounds lighter and zip through it.  I think I rode the bike 3 or 6 times before the race.  The highlight of the bike training was when I was trying to make it fun for the kids by going fast down a moderately busy road in our neighborhood.  A quick synopsis:  the clamp came of my bike as did the safety strap, all while I was gaining speed down the hill.  I looked back to see the kids rolling down the road behind me, with the trailer clamp sparking as it scraped along the ground.  Fortunately, there were no cars at the time, and the trailer quickly stopped rolling thanks to my new friend, friction.  I don't know who was more scared, me or the kids.

Once again, thanks to the wondrous internet, I was able to find a picture that accurately illustrates what happend.

#3) Running.  This is short because I didn't run.  I figured that since I played basketball once or twice a week, and that it was only a 5k run, I'd be good.

Training summary - some swimming, even less biking, and a little bit of basketball.

Day of the event.  The Bountiful Triathlon is a little unique in that it is reverse order: run, bike swim.  My theory is that because the swim is in a pool, they have the swim last to prevent over-crowding.  This turned out to doom me, as I will soon point out.

First up was the run.  As soon as the gun fired we were off.  I kept up with the leaders for about 20 yards then slowly started to fall back.  By the time we were out of the parking lot, my thighs were burning, and I wanted to quit.  Apparantly, running back and forth with frequent stops for offensive and defensive plays on a basketball court does not translate to distance running.  However, I was determined not to fail.  I figured the biking and swimming would be much easier than the run, so I kept going.

Bike.  Earlier, I mentioned that I had a mountiain bike.  Mountain bikes are great for riding - on dirt roads in the MoUnTaInS.  Thanks to a police radar cart, I was able to verify quite accurately that riding a mountain bike allowed me to reach a top speed of about 16 mph, where the road bikers were easily 20-22 mph.   Needless to say, by the time I finished the bike, combined with my slow run, I was near the back of the pack.  Say what you will, I am chalking the bike failure was due to equipment rather than lack of training.

Swim.  As I neared the rec. center, I thought "At least I can do the swim in a decent amount of time."  Boy was I wrong.  My state of couch-potatoness had my legs in such a jelly state that I could barely waddle from the parking lot to the pool.  I swam the first lap fairly well, then realized that I was utterly and completely exhausted.  I ended up doing the backstroke for probably 85% of the swim.  However, I finished, and there's plenty to be said about that.  I think I've taken enough of your time for one day, let's hope for a brighter tomorrow.

Sincerely,