The Creature From The Burrito - Chapter 3

Before I start, I'd like you all to know that I think I've kicked this writer's block thingamajigger. Also, the sauna worked, and I'm back to my old self. So, without further delay, I give you CHAPTER 3.




Chapter 3

Goat turned of the car as they reached their destination. It was nighttime now, so they decided to camp in the parking lot before starting their trek the next day. The forecast for the next few days showed little chance of rain, so they decided to sleep under the stars that night.

As they grabbed their resting sacks, Goat mentioned something about being glad that he didn’t have to pull out his tent tonight. Hairy was cursing under her breath because she had forgotten her shaving gel. Smells was a few yards away trying to get some flatulence out of his system before turning in for the night.

Ernie, though, was paying little attention to everyone else. He thought to himself, How could I just snarff down that burrito like that? I was drawn to that stand as if I had no other choice… A mini-debate was going on in his head as he tried to rationalize with himself why he was so impulsive with getting that burrito. At least he thought he was debating in his head until he looked up and saw that the other three were quietly staring at him while he muttered to himself.

“You had another burrito at the gas station, Ernie?” asked Hairy, “I thought you just got some turkey jerky or something.” Ernie had to think quick, they wouldn’t believe me since the vendor disappeared right after I finished the burrito. “No, no, no, you must have misheard me. My stomach’s not feeling well, and I think it’s from those burritos we ate at lunch,” replied Ernie. “But we didn’t buy those from a street vendor, and I distinctly heard you say something about a mysterious street vendor,” interrupted Smells.

Ernie couldn’t think of anything to counter Smells, so he answered “You guys won’t believe me, but…,” Ernie started, as he recounted his experience with the crazy comfort room, the bodacious burrito, and the vanishing vendor. “That’s impossible,” said Hairy, “I saw you across the street – BY YOURSELF, ALONE, SOLO!”

“I knew you wouldn’t believe me, but it really did happen, and it was the best darn burrito I have ever had the pleasure of tasting,” Ernie replied.

“Assuming this really did happen (and we all know what assuming does), how are you feeling now?” questioned Smells. “If there’s anything I know about, it’s upset stomachs and frothiness. I’m worried you might have food poisoning because you look kind of pale.”

“I think I’m okay. I mean, my stomach’s rumbling and all, but it’s not a sick feeling. I can’t really explain it, but it’s kind of like when your stomach’s full of water and you can kind of feel it sloshing around combined with that butterfly feeling you get when you’re nervous. I really do think I’m fine, it’s more that I’m weirded out by the taco guy disappearing and all. I should be good-to-go tomorrow after a night’s sleep in the clear air out here. The Namnama area sure is beautiful and serene.”

Goat replied, “If our trip is ruined by having to go home early simply because of your burrito fetish, I swear I’ll…”

“You wouldn’t do anything to Ernie,” snapped Hairy.

“Of course I wouldn’t do anything, that was simply my lame attempt at lightening the mood,” said Goat with a smirk as he ran over to Smells and put him in a headlock. He quickly released though, as it was still quite apparent that Smells was still digesting lunch from earlier that day.

The Creature From the Burrito - Chapter 2

I know, I know, it's been a long-time coming for this next step in the burrito saga. I would like to apologize for the delay in getting out another chapter, but my publisher and I have been battling over whether I should keep writting on the blog, or go straight to print. My argument is that in this day and age where so many things are available online, I'd get more publicity by using my blog. So with out further delay, here is Chapter 2.

Ernie, Hairy, and Smells started rummaging through the convenience store while Goat paid for the gasoline. “Got anything good to eat around here?” asked Goat as he slipped the cashier a twenty. “Well, normally there’s the taco stand across the street, but the guy who runs the place has been missing for a few days now. It’s a bit odd, because he sets up his stand on the corner there and hasn’t missed a day for years. Now, he hasn’t shown up for three or four days, and noone’s seen or heard from him. He had the best tacos and burritos around…”

“Where’s the comfort room?” interrupted Ernie.

“It’s around back. Here’s the key. Just make sure you jiggle the handle when you flush, the toilet’s been acting up, and it’ll run all night if you don’t.”

Ernie could hear the cashier explaining the assortment of quick eats the store had to offer as he walked out side. A cool breeze brushed passed Ernie, sending a slight chill down his back. When he neared the bathroom door, a delicious aroma filled his nostrils, letting him know that there were burritos near. I just had a burrito for lunch Ernie thought to himself. Besides, I’d never hear then end of it from the guys.

After his trip to the comfort room proved to be uneventful-yet-successful, Ernie remembered he forgot to jiggle the handle on the toilet. “Oh, bother,” Ernie muttered to himself as he turned around to go jiggle the toilet. As he walked back to the comfort room, Ernie noticed what looked like the silhouette of a taco stand in the shadows. I thought the cashier told Goat that the taco guy was missing, Ernie thought as he approached the stand to see if anyone was there.

“Would you like a taco or a burrito?” asked a man who seemed to appear out of nowhere. The man spoke with a peculiar accent that Ernie couldn’t quite recognize, and had an eerily high pitch to his voice. His unkempt hair was a mix of red and white. His skin was pale, and he had a long, lurpy frame. It appeared that his outfit was from a thrift store, and he had an old, musky smell to him. Normally, this appearance would have turned Ernie away, but the wondrous aroma of burritos put him in such a trance, he wondered if he was hypnotized.

Even though he had just had a burrito for lunch, Ernie found that the only words he could utter were, “I’ll take one, please.” “Many thanks,” replied the vendor as he handed over a foil-wrapped burrito. Before he knew it, half the burrito was down his throat, and Ernie was shoving whatever else he could of the burrito into his mouth whenever a little space cleared up after a swallow. As he swallowed the last bit, he turned and said, “Are you the guy that’s been missing for a few…” Ernie realized that the guy and taco stand were gone, nowhere to be found.

As he stood there pondering what had just taken place, Ernie thought, That was perhaps the BEST burrito I have ever had. It’s probably best that I ate it so fast so I won’t get any flack from the guys for having another burrito today. But where could that guy have gone?

"What’re you doing over there, Ernie?” Hairy shouted from across the street. “I thought I saw the taco guy that’s been missing,” Ernie replied. It was partially true, but he conveniently left out the part about eating an uber delicious burrito. “Well, hurry up and get some food so we can get going. We’re all ready to go.”

Ernie ran back across the street, and went back inside the convenience store to grab something to eat. He was full, of course, from the burrito, but didn’t want to look too suspicious, so he grabbed some jerky and a juice. As he paid for his food, a weird rumble rolled through his stomach. Probably just indigestion or something, he thought. “What does the taco guy look like?” Ernie asked curiously. “Oh, Pepito? Why, did you see him? He’s a short guy with dark hair. He’s got this huge mole on his right forearm…” Ernie didn’t hear the rest of what the cashier was saying because all he could think about was his stomach rumbling and that the mystery man who sold him the burrito was definitely not the local taco man.

As they drove off, Smells asked “You all right there, Ernie? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” Ernie just stared out the window. “Ernie!” nudged Smells, “you okay?!?” “Yeah,” replied Ernie, scrambling to come up with something to say. “I, I just forgot to jiggle the toilet handle like the guy asked me to. That guy is going to be T-O’d.” They all laughed as Goat said, “Let’s just hope I have enough gas that we don’t have to stop there on the way back.”

The Creature From the Burrito - Chapter 1

"Hold on!" yelled Dwight, "I'll be right there!" Dwight's hiking buddies were honking outside his house, ready to go. Dwight ran over his checklist one last time to make sure his backpack was set and ready to go. The last thing Dwight wanted was to forget something for his week-long hiking trip. As soon as he had finished his final check, he swung his pack over his shoulder and ran out the door. "It's about time, Ernie, we're all waiting on you!"

Dwight and his crew all had nicknames for each other. Dwight's was Ernie because he wasn't in the best of shape, and after a long hike, he would start wheezing in a manner that was strikingly similar to Ernie's laugh from Sesame Street. The other members of the foursome were Billy (Goat), Francis (Smells), and Bernadette (Hairy).

The trek to the Mountains of Namnama was about a day's drive from their hometown of Paniqui. Their plan was to drive to the base and sleep in the parking lot, allowing them to get started on their trek early the next morning. After a few hours on the road, they decided to stop and grab a bite to eat. Dwight didn't hesitate before voicing that they should find a taco shack, and grab some burritos and cantelope.

"You always want burritos, Ernie," sighed Hairy. "Yeah, but you guys never agree with me on that, and so we never get to. If you think about it, when was the last time we got Mexican food?" "Try last Tuesday," quirped Goat. "Well, when was the last time before that?" "The day before!!!" chimed the other three. "Come on guys," pleaded Ernie, "I really could go for a burrito, plus cantelope is in season this time of year."

"All right, Ernie, if we go here for lunch, I don't want to hear about burritos for a month," conceded Smells. "Plus, you know what happens when I eat to many burritos."

After they had their fill of burritos and cantelope, they were back on their way. It wasn't too long before Smells started shifting uncomfortably in his seat. "I knew you should have stopped at three burritos, Smells," Hairy sighed. "It's getting a little to musky in here for my liking."

"At least I only have to shave once a day!" sneered Smells. Everyone laughed as they noticed that Bernadette's five-o'clock-shadow was already filling in nice and thick, and it was barely passed mid-day. "It's not my fault I have a high testosterone level!" Hairy replied angrily. An awkward silence followed, as they drove in silence for the next few hours.

Dusk was approaching as they drove on. They were still about 120 kilometers from their destination when they saw the city lights of Suso, the last town they could get food and fuel at before they reached the Mountains of Namnama. Dwight asked, "Think we should stop for fuel and some grinders?"

They all agreed they could use some leg stretching and fresh air - they could only take so much of Smells's digestion issues. As they pulled into town, they saw a gas station with a mini-mart. As they pulled up to the gas pump, Dwight mumbled "I wonder if they have any burritos here....." They all chuckled as Goat turned off the engine.

END OF CHAPTER ONE