I know, I know, it's been a long-time coming for this next step in the burrito saga. I would like to apologize for the delay in getting out another chapter, but my publisher and I have been battling over whether I should keep writting on the blog, or go straight to print. My argument is that in this day and age where so many things are available online, I'd get more publicity by using my blog. So with out further delay, here is Chapter 2.
Ernie, Hairy, and Smells started rummaging through the convenience store while Goat paid for the gasoline. “Got anything good to eat around here?” asked Goat as he slipped the cashier a twenty. “Well, normally there’s the taco stand across the street, but the guy who runs the place has been missing for a few days now. It’s a bit odd, because he sets up his stand on the corner there and hasn’t missed a day for years. Now, he hasn’t shown up for three or four days, and noone’s seen or heard from him. He had the best tacos and burritos around…”
“Where’s the comfort room?” interrupted Ernie.
“It’s around back. Here’s the key. Just make sure you jiggle the handle when you flush, the toilet’s been acting up, and it’ll run all night if you don’t.”
Ernie could hear the cashier explaining the assortment of quick eats the store had to offer as he walked out side. A cool breeze brushed passed Ernie, sending a slight chill down his back. When he neared the bathroom door, a delicious aroma filled his nostrils, letting him know that there were burritos near. I just had a burrito for lunch Ernie thought to himself. Besides, I’d never hear then end of it from the guys.
After his trip to the comfort room proved to be uneventful-yet-successful, Ernie remembered he forgot to jiggle the handle on the toilet. “Oh, bother,” Ernie muttered to himself as he turned around to go jiggle the toilet. As he walked back to the comfort room, Ernie noticed what looked like the silhouette of a taco stand in the shadows. I thought the cashier told Goat that the taco guy was missing, Ernie thought as he approached the stand to see if anyone was there.
“Would you like a taco or a burrito?” asked a man who seemed to appear out of nowhere. The man spoke with a peculiar accent that Ernie couldn’t quite recognize, and had an eerily high pitch to his voice. His unkempt hair was a mix of red and white. His skin was pale, and he had a long, lurpy frame. It appeared that his outfit was from a thrift store, and he had an old, musky smell to him. Normally, this appearance would have turned Ernie away, but the wondrous aroma of burritos put him in such a trance, he wondered if he was hypnotized.
Even though he had just had a burrito for lunch, Ernie found that the only words he could utter were, “I’ll take one, please.” “Many thanks,” replied the vendor as he handed over a foil-wrapped burrito. Before he knew it, half the burrito was down his throat, and Ernie was shoving whatever else he could of the burrito into his mouth whenever a little space cleared up after a swallow. As he swallowed the last bit, he turned and said, “Are you the guy that’s been missing for a few…” Ernie realized that the guy and taco stand were gone, nowhere to be found.
As he stood there pondering what had just taken place, Ernie thought, That was perhaps the BEST burrito I have ever had. It’s probably best that I ate it so fast so I won’t get any flack from the guys for having another burrito today. But where could that guy have gone?
"What’re you doing over there, Ernie?” Hairy shouted from across the street. “I thought I saw the taco guy that’s been missing,” Ernie replied. It was partially true, but he conveniently left out the part about eating an uber delicious burrito. “Well, hurry up and get some food so we can get going. We’re all ready to go.”
Ernie ran back across the street, and went back inside the convenience store to grab something to eat. He was full, of course, from the burrito, but didn’t want to look too suspicious, so he grabbed some jerky and a juice. As he paid for his food, a weird rumble rolled through his stomach. Probably just indigestion or something, he thought. “What does the taco guy look like?” Ernie asked curiously. “Oh, Pepito? Why, did you see him? He’s a short guy with dark hair. He’s got this huge mole on his right forearm…” Ernie didn’t hear the rest of what the cashier was saying because all he could think about was his stomach rumbling and that the mystery man who sold him the burrito was definitely not the local taco man.
As they drove off, Smells asked “You all right there, Ernie? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” Ernie just stared out the window. “Ernie!” nudged Smells, “you okay?!?” “Yeah,” replied Ernie, scrambling to come up with something to say. “I, I just forgot to jiggle the toilet handle like the guy asked me to. That guy is going to be T-O’d.” They all laughed as Goat said, “Let’s just hope I have enough gas that we don’t have to stop there on the way back.”
-I used to love to sneak up behind certain people that were, let’s say “jumpy”, and fire a rubber band right past their head and have it hit their computer monitor. Unfortunately, the velocity I liked to use for firing the rubber bands had a linear effect on the accuracy of my aim.
-Sometimes I’d try to knock over a coworker’s cup that was used to store sunflower seeds. When I succeeded, there was usually a plethora of seeds that needed picking up afterwards.
-Then there were the random targets I’d try to hit. This wasn’t so much of a prank as it was more of target practice. I always felt bad if the target happened to be someone’s arm or head.
-If I remember right, this is the joke that started it all. One day I was messing around, and found out how to rotate the computer screen display. Although simple to rectify if one knows how, it was a nasty trick if you didn’t know how to correct it. When the display was upside down, if you pushed upwards on the mouse, the mouse would go to the bottom of the screen because that’s where the “top” of the display was. The first time I did this, I happened to call in sick the next morning, and later found out that my “victim” sat at his desk for an hour or two trying to figure out how to fix it.
-Another prank that was fun to do is get random photos of coworkers, photoshop their heads onto funny pictures, and email the new-and-improved pictures to everyone else in the office. Let’s just say that I was a victim of this more than once.
-Our phone system had this intercom system, where you could go straight to someone else’s speaker with out having their phone ring or have them answer. Needless to say, if someone got caught napping at their desk, they had a rude awakening.
In conclusion, these may sound lame to some of you out there, but a good joke or prank can lighten almost anyone’s work-day, just make sure the prankee can take it.
All right, clones, you’ve all be waiting for this so here it is (in the form of a poem):
Here’s a story about Lagoon
It’s about to make me look like a buffoon
This really isn’t much of a story
So I will try to give it some glory
As we walked to get in line for the Mouse Trap
An idea hit me like a lightning zap
I would use my skillz to win a prize
One that would please my kids with its large dimensions
I yelled to my companions “Come one, come all.”
“Watch me win a prize with a basketball!”
As I handed the lad my money,
I knew my shot would be sweet as bee nectar.
The ball left my hands with ease
Yet I knew my shot would not please
As I watched my shot move wide
The ball promptly bounced of the rim’s edge
Oh No! My money is wasted.
Alas, victory would not be tasted
But wait! My shot followed a new course
Which quickly erased any remorse
Through the adjacent rim my shot was made
Only once has a shot had me more amazed
As I looked at the lad who was just a beginner
His mouth opened wide and declared “We have a winner.”
A Spurs teddy bear was my claim
But the bear’s décor put me to shame
A Jazz bear would have been sweet
But now, the Spurs bear will feel the bottom of my cleat
Now, as my story is done,
I hope you realize what a wonderful prize I won
Softly roars the ocean floor
I hope this poem didn’t bore
For all you people wondering when I'll add some more pics, here you go. P.S. The first picture of Kyra is to commemorate that after two years of life, she finally let Krista do her hair.